1. |
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written july 2016
is there a way for you to say you're sorry
without blaming anybody but yourself?
the month of may has me holding on my heartbeat
like a hermit hangs onto his precious shell.
oh leah, can't you see
that i really want to love you
but your crooked memories
only make it hard?
so leah look at me -
watch me as i rise above you.
unlike you, i'm gonna be
someone from my scars.
how dare you tell me that my life is a lie?
how dare you tell me that you actually tried?
i know you tried to put the past away
but this is the shit i'm dealing with day by day.
your daughter would rather have a heartbreak from romance.
going back to you is like going for a dance with the devil himself
and i'd rather go to hell.
is there a way for you to say you're sorry
without blaming anybody but yourself?
the month of may has me holding on my heartbeat
and quite frankly dear, i'd rather go to hell.
i've got this amazing sense of pride 'cause
i've got my patience and my peace of mind. but
i've got to face it all alone at night when
i've got temptation saying i won't survive.
i've got the month of may mistaking what i'm missing more and
i've got to own the pain of vacancy to close that door.
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2. |
fight or flight
01:40
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written february 2016
the sky - it seems to seldom separate me from my silly dreams.
if just this once, i could fly.
the sea - it swells with someone else's secrets i swore not to tell.
if just this once, i could fly.
my fire never knew what it meant to feel so low.
it's best to rest down the river and float.
the words and winds - as quickly as the go, i wonder where they've been.
if just this once, i could fly.
the stars - they'll fall and like the restless shine out of reach of us all.
if just this once, i could fly.
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3. |
howl at the moon
03:05
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written may 2015
this clock ticks slowly day by day
sweet darkness, won't you take me out another way?
it's all the same. it comes in phases
but the pain it never changes
i once had the courage
to go outside with my mind
no need to hide behind a smile
just a child, free and wildflowers
tangled inside my hair
not a worry or care
no stone in my stare
but you took your finest china
and you forgot it on the fire
a boy raised with wolves
learns to howl at the moon
what a lonely little tune
but at least he'll hear the same
from his mother soon
or later, we begin to regret
all the things we never said
getting dusty in our head
so now i'm not afraid to say
that i'm better off this way
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4. |
war of 2012
03:42
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room's dark, LED lit face
beating heart trying to keep up the pace
with the conversation
the words we exchange are made in
cleverly flirtacious ways
oh me, oh my
these are the times
time to open your eyes, hold on for the ride
but don't let your mind go inside too far
we have gone too far
and i was told that love's a losing game
but i've seen the winners share their names
faithful to ambition, i break the tradition -
my starting line stands at attention.
i said, "ready, aim, but hold your fire"
a civil love won't be acquired by a fight
make light til you sight their waving flag of white
because i have made mistakes before
i have felt my faults, fallen face first on the floor
and when it rains, it rains, it pours
this is just an arms race
this isn't war
look at the signs to see that
love is patient, yes love is kind
love got in my mind
went too far this time
and only got me higher
now i'm right where you want me to be
you've had your fun with strategy
get your ammunition
let me warm up my choir
singing, "hold me close,
while the walls are down.
i'll fall without you. i'll fall without you.
hold me close,
safe and sound,
i'll fall without you. i'll fall without you."
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5. |
change of heart
02:21
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written july 2013
give me a good reason to suggest another name
call it a cute mistake or a wild heart untamed
you came to me
went right through me
and you threw me overboard
your weary woes won't work this time, my dear
i am golden and grown after holding on alone
to a shipwreck year when
you came to me
went right through me
and you threw me overboard
so let me go now
don't leave me hanging on
i am no anchor, i'll drown
bring me up and i'll be gone
a sudden change of heart left me stranded
and a part of me still swears that you planned it
a night with the guys out on the town
made you realize you loved when i wasn't around
and you went off my radar
i can see your friends
asking about the ends
and the breaks and the bends
i bet you don't tell them how
i wore you down 'cause
you're too man
but i know how it went
and you're just telling them,
"yeah, i played her."
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6. |
for lovers
04:53
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written june 2016
the whole world is spinning and my head's straight on
i realize it's easy to love and get along
Oh, i finally figured out my own way
who gon' stop me now, huh? Oh
these days, Oh, how i feel like i'm in control
they're on the wheel - baby, i'm on my roll
but Oh, when you slip into my mind every morning i remember
the way that i make you feel. but could i do better?
i'll never know.
'cause i won't look back now there's no time to waste
the views of my future's my only escape
but Oh, when i see your mother cry i think i would never
imagine being the reason why. but could i do better?
i'll never know.
i'm sorry for losing control.
i wanted more when i had it all.
now when i'm lonely inside my own mind,
you'll find me longing for your time.
'cause Oh boy, i do know i did you so wrong.
ain't no consolation to write one more song.
but part of the payment of regret is pacing 'til you're dead
rethinking every love letter. "back and forth," she said
"now, back and forth." but could i do better?
i'll never know
and it's all my fault
so i'll
settle
said i'll
never know
and it's all my fault
so i'll settle to think -
think about you.
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7. |
steady shifts the faults
02:25
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written september 2013
baby, you gave me a heart of the moon
up so high and down to earth
and your lovin's like the sun shining on me
light me up without the burn
you spin me 'round and 'round without a single sound
and all of the people wonder why
just tell them when you're walking alone at night
it's enough that i light up your sky
you get lost in my eyes
i can feel the vibes
holding onto my sight
and deep inside
heartbeat steady shifts
the faults of my life
a smile that can shake the still of the night so
be the wind in my eastbound sails
'cause i'm looking to the sunrise every day
never never want to grow out of your love
when i'm already on my way
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8. |
interlude
01:11
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written march 2016
with an orange sky at 5 in the morning
she died and came back to life
my faith in everything but the sun had turned to dust
my day of reckoning all alone and all at once
who was i before losing my fear of something more?
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9. |
to take what you like
03:43
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lyrics not included.
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10. |
stars on the sea
03:19
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written march 2017
you arrive in waves
hard to find that grace
when i see your heart,
i'm lost for days
please tell me you're mine
the frequencies are so high
and doubt she fills my soul
but you told me i'll be all right
i don't want to be by the busy lights no more
the stars on the sea they're so good at keeping score
singing victory over evil all along
like the rhythm writing this song
and they say, "when you know, you know."
you know there ain't no way to disagree
mistakes i've made before
don't mean a thing to me
honey i'd die
dive into love
'cause you know i love to love
but do you know i love to love you?
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s.s. marie Houston, Texas
"It's an obligation. It's bigger than you. It's the only true magic I know. It's not pulling a rabbit out of a hat; it's real. It's your soul floating out to theirs." <3
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